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Marriage May Not Always Be Forever So often in Christian circles we
hear the sentiment, “God would never approve of divorce,” and that “All couples
should stay married, no matter what.” While
these are well-intentioned words by truly sincere people, the truth is that God
does provide a way of escape to those who are in marriages that are causing
them physical, emotional, and spiritual harm. God’s purpose is for a man and a
woman to choose each other as life partners, submit themselves as one before
the Lord, and live in peace and intimacy until death do they part. Statistics say, however, that over 50% of
married couples will divorce and Christian couples are no exception. Sometimes divorce is warranted and there are
three circumstances that justify a severing of the relationship and marriage. Adultery is a situation where one
spouse or the other, or possibly both, is involved with another person in a
sexual context. “Marital unfaithfulness” is actually the Greek word, “porneia”,
and in English, “pornography.” Porneia refers to sexual sin of any
kind—pornography, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, and incest. God gives a very clear teaching on martial
unfaithfulness and grants permission to exit the relationship, if the person so
chooses. Adultery is a self centered act that can possibly endanger the health
and life of the jilted spouse with the spread of sexually transmitted
diseases. God’s way of protection is the
severing of the damaged relationship. Abandonment is a condition that
is also addressed in scripture. When a spouse either physically or emotionally
abandons the other, permission is then given to “let them depart.” The Bible tells us that God has “called us to
live in peace.” There is no peace in a house full of strife or rejection. When
there is neglect and abandonment for any reason, it negates the vows made
during the marriage ceremony. Abuse is the last circumstance
where God allows for divorce. Nowhere in scripture are we told to stay in
abusive relationships…whether physical, emotional or verbal. These
relationships can cause profound damage and can result in physical sickness and
even death. Since our bodies are the
temple of God and used in service to Him, we are to preserve them at all costs.
Over the years many women have
come to me, from all walks of life, including the wives of pastors, who are ill
physically because of the abuse they have received from their husbands. The
stories are heartbreaking. God does not want to see His precious daughters
dying prematurely because they feel obligated to stay in a dysfunctional
marriage. Condemnation from the church,
sad to say, has been the biggest reason women stay in abusive marriages. The
church is supposed to be about forgiveness and grace, but the dirty little
secret is that many divorced women and women thinking about divorce are put down, pointed at, and banned from
church and therefore they feel a rejection from God Himself. This attitude in
the church needs to come to a complete, grinding halt. Grace, love, and
outreached arms need to prevail. There has been a huge
misunderstanding of scripture regarding divorce. It is quoted that “God hates divorce”
and I have heard Christians stand with glued feet upon this scripture, using
this as an excuse to either stay in a failed relationship or tell others to do
so. Like with so many scriptures, this one is taken out of context. In the book of Malachi, men were departing from
their wives and failing to give them a “certificate of divorce,” and then remarrying
illegally, leaving their wives in the lurch so they could not remarry. If we
look deeply into the original meaning of the words used, here is a more
accurate interpretation. Jesus did not
forget about Malachi… “Furthermore it has been
said, “Whoever PUTS AWAY [separates from {apoluo}] his wife, LET HIM GIVE HER A
CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE. But I say to you that whoever PUTS AWAY [separates and remarries
without being divorced from] his wife for any reason except sexual immorality
causes her to commit adultery: and whoever marries a woman who is PUT AWAY
[separated without being divorced {apoluo}] commits adultery” -Matthew 5:31-32 As
we can see here, proper Bible interpretation is key in understanding what God truly
intends for us. God has provided a
way of escape for married couples in desperate situations and it’s called
divorce. His primary goal is
reconciliation, but in the event this is not possible and all avenues for a
reunion have been exhausted, He then lovingly opens the door to freedom for
couples to walk through and begin a new life, with His grace and blessing held
intimately within their hearts. God is
the God of second chances… May the God of your
hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of
your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be
overflowing (bubbling over) with hope. - Romans 15:
13 ©Words To Heart Ministries, Inc. Pastor Kimberly Lemler. 2010.
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